Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The Truth About Shakespeare

Shakespeare just might be the most famous playwright of all time penning such disparate classics as Hamlet, The Taming of the Shrew, and Henry the V: Turn Off the Dark.  It's not surprising that the Bard, as some people call him (his close friends called him "The Tard" as a joke, and he would call them gay), is the source of a long standing conspiracy theory.  According to some experts William Shakespeare was not the sole author of the plays and sonnets credited to him, with some going so far as to say he never wrote any of them.

As the argument goes, some of Shakespeare's greatest works were political in nature and could be potentially dangerous.  So a lowly actor had his name attached to the works to protect the real identity of the writer, often said to be Francis Bacon.  The main proof is that if you pick any work by Shakespeare, you can connect it directly to Francis Bacon in six plays.

As compelling as the theory is, there are some holes in the Bacon theory.  For one, not one bit of evidence has ever appeared, ever, connecting Francis Bacon to even one of Shakespeare's plays, and the only evidence, codes written into the works themselves, has turned out to be nonsense written by cranks who don't know dick about codes.  Outside of this minor quibble, the theory is pretty strong.

But if Francis Bacon didn't write Shakespeare's plays, who did?  When William Shakespeare was 46 years old, the King James bible came out. Hidden in the bible is a code connecting Shakespeare to this version of the bible, the 46th word of Psalm 46 is "shake", and the 46th word from the end of Psalm 46 is "spear".  Based on this fact we have reasonably concluded the the true author of Shakespeare's plays is the prophet Isaiah.  

As further support for this theory, consider the language of the King James bible.  It's filled with "thee's" and "thous" even though Isaiah was Jewish and would have presumably spoke primarily in Hebrew and been bad at sports.  And the simple fact that he was Jewish further eliminates Francis Bacon from consideration because he's not kosher and Francis Brisket was a terrible writer.

Of course now that you know the actual writer of Shakespeare's plays was Jewish it raises the question of just how long we've been controlling the media.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

The Truth About Vaccinations

In the debate over vaccinations we should look at what the experts have to say.  One of the leading authorities on the subject is noted research scientist, Jenny McCarthy.  In McCarthy's book, "Healing and Preventing Autism" she makes a good case for the connection between autism and vaccinations, a connection strengthened by a now debunked research study by Dr. Wakefield linking autism to childhood vaccinations.  If Dr. Wakefield's research hadn't been debunked this might not be a conspiracy, but as it stands, it seems clear that the medical community is involved in a cover up.  What other natural and simple explanation could one come up with for the fact that his research has been found wanting?

The link between autism and vaccinations is hard to deny.  Since we began vaccinating children, the rate of children being diagnosed with autism has risen.  Now some have argued that this is at least partly because we understand autism a little better as research into the condition continues and we're getting better at identifying it, but I would argue that this just means adults are being affected as well, leading to the rise in diagnoses.  As you know, a diagnoses always precedes a disease, so it seems clear to me that one of the other causes of autism is diagnoses, so it's important that adults stop taking vaccinations as well so we can bring down the diagnosis index.

Of course the question always is, what does the medical community have to gain?  The first is obviously money.  I've had a number of vaccinations through my life and they all must have cost money.  I generally got them for free but somebody must have paid for them, and at that rate a vaccine, we're talking some size of cash cow, either small or large, I don't know.  But that's not all they have to gain.

The medical community is clearly lazy.  Polio has largely been eliminated by vaccines in western nations, and as a result, many doctors will never see a case in their practice.  Way to go, lazy doctors, I'm sure now you can concentrate on your plastic surgery and lap band surgeries, while ignoring the opportunity to cure polio just because it already has been.  Hey, get to work doctors, you can't pawn off your responsibility on medicines you developed.  Get to work!

As we've already talked about, the case against vaccines is causality.  And as has been established by Dr. McCarthy, causation is when one thing happens, and then another thing also happens.  Here at the Conspiracy Nut offices we've done some research, and we've discovered that the harm vaccines cause is not limited to Autism.

Since the advent of vaccines, gang activity in America is on the rise.  We have also seen a rise in the rate of childhood obesity.  Firefly was cancelled.  A perfectly good movie, the Matrix, was ruined by subpar sequels, thanks to vaccines.  Conan lost the Tonight Show.  There still isn't peace in the middle east, even though some people sort of want it, thanks to vaccines.  And of course we all know that lollypops cause tooth decay, and childhood vaccines cause lollypops.

What's the solution?  Well, some have suggested you don't get your kids vaccinated, but that's not a perfect solution either, since if you don't get vaccines, your kids and other kids will probably get sick with illnesses that were wholly preventable.  It seems clear that the perfect solution is to have yourself fixed, that way you'll never have to worry about childhood vaccines in the first place, and, you won't have to pay for college, which is also caused by vaccines.