Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The Truth About Shakespeare

Shakespeare just might be the most famous playwright of all time penning such disparate classics as Hamlet, The Taming of the Shrew, and Henry the V: Turn Off the Dark.  It's not surprising that the Bard, as some people call him (his close friends called him "The Tard" as a joke, and he would call them gay), is the source of a long standing conspiracy theory.  According to some experts William Shakespeare was not the sole author of the plays and sonnets credited to him, with some going so far as to say he never wrote any of them.


As the argument goes, some of Shakespeare's greatest works were political in nature and could be potentially dangerous.  So a lowly actor had his name attached to the works to protect the real identity of the writer, often said to be Francis Bacon.  The main proof is that if you pick any work by Shakespeare, you can connect it directly to Francis Bacon in six plays.


As compelling as the theory is, there are some holes in the Bacon theory.  For one, not one bit of evidence has ever appeared, ever, connecting Francis Bacon to even one of Shakespeare's plays, and the only evidence, codes written into the works themselves, has turned out to be nonsense written by cranks who don't know dick about codes.  Outside of this minor quibble, the theory is pretty strong.


But if Francis Bacon didn't write Shakespeare's plays, who did?  When William Shakespeare was 46 years old, the King James bible came out. Hidden in the bible is a code connecting Shakespeare to this version of the bible, the 46th word of Psalm 46 is "shake", and the 46th word from the end of Psalm 46 is "spear".  Based on this fact we have reasonably concluded the the true author of Shakespeare's plays is the prophet Isaiah.  


As further support for this theory, consider the language of the King James bible.  It's filled with "thee's" and "thous" even though Isaiah was Jewish and would have presumably spoke primarily in Hebrew and been bad at sports.  And the simple fact that he was Jewish further eliminates Francis Bacon from consideration because he's not kosher and Francis Brisket was a terrible writer.


Of course now that you know the actual writer of Shakespeare's plays was Jewish it raises the question of just how long we've been controlling the media.

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